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some more reasons why denby trashed your place

  1. The blue sky. The wind swirling in the leaves
  2. A platypus in the yard. A mysterious looking platypus
  3. A girl who moves away
  4. A girl he sees from time to time but knows he will never get to know. He knows he will never get that chance, never get that close
  5. They took Leave It To Beaver” off the air at noon and replaced it with Matlock.” They bumped the Beaver back to 3:00 and now he can’t watch it during his lunch break
  6. He’s going through this weird thing” right now
  7. In the greater scheme of things, possessions don’t really matter anyway
  8. He, in fact, does respect” you and your personal belongings; it’s just that he was merely blowing off some steam and that is something you should let slide every now and then if you really are his friend
  9. Things just aren’t really going his way right now
  10. Why not? What does it matter anyway?
  11. Who knows why anyone does anything
  12. He just felt like it, that’s all
  13. He doesn’t really know why he upped and trashed your place
  14. An apology will be issued at a later date in the form of a beer
  15. No, you shut up
  16. He doesn’t really feel like talking about it
  17. He has difficulty expressing himself verbally
  18. He was frustrated
  19. He’s not a very good person. Or at least not just yet anyway
  20. He was just having a bad day, that’s all
  21. Something about your place just rubs him the wrong way, that’s all — brings out the worst in him, I mean, what would you have done?
  22. He’s jealous of your place because he sees it as being always and forever better than his place in every manner imaginable
  23. He was thirsty and looking for a water glass
  24. He misplaced something — a pencil, I think, and had to move some things around in order to locate it, that‘s all. I mean, it was his pencil after all. It belonged to him
  25. Aw come on, be cool man, I mean, what’s wrong with that? Huh? He was only jokin’, man — just kiddin’ around. Can’t you take a joke, man? Why you always gotta make a big deal of everything, always actin’ the fool? Huh? Sounds like you’re the one with the problem. Takin’ everything so seriously. Huh? Sounds like you’re the one with issues
  26. It’s a secret. Why you need to know everything? Huh, Mr. Busybody? Why don’t you go out and get a life of your own and not be so preoccupied with everyone else’s?
  27. He has difficulty walking after waking from a long nap, so maybe he bumped into a few things and accidentally knocked some things down. Now why you wanna tease him about that? Huh? Why you always be goin’ and teasin’ everyone now? Huh? What’s wrong with you?
  28. Well that’s just Denby, I mean, you know how he is
  29. Maybe if you’d invite him over more often he wouldn’t have to resort to pulling that sort of stunt
  30. It was just one of those things, I mean what’re you gonna do?
  31. He was just looking for attention
  32. He just doesn’t like you and you finally pushed him too far. I mean how much do you expect one person to take? Huh? You think he’s just going to sit there and take that shit?
  33. Well you know, it’s just another one of those things that’re wrapped up in the mysteries of the universe
  34. Why should I tell you anything? Huh? I don’t need to explain myself to the likes of you. You don’t deserve to know. I mean what’ve you ever done? Huh? What?
  35. He has been regressing emotionally for some time now, and it finally just got the better of him
  36. It was just the damnedest thing. I tell ya. You’re just going to have to accept it and move on, and that’s all there is to it. You’re just going to have to reconcile it in your own mind
  37. He was just a little nervous, that’s all
  38. He was feeling a little uncomfortable, a little on edge, that’s all
  39. He wasn’t feeling well at all. He’s been a little under the weather lately. He hasn’t been feeling himself lately. Where’s your compassion? Your empathy?
  40. Sometimes a guy just needs ta do certain things, that’s all
  41. It was an urge. Now give the guy a break why don’t cha
  42. Had been a dream of his for some time now. And how often do any of us get to live out and fulfill one of our dreams? Huh? And who are you to go around denying him a little fulfillment and contentment? Huh? How do you sleep at night? Huh? How can you live with yourself?
  43. I guess I could go and ask you the very same thing now couldn’t I? Huh? How do ya like that, huh? How you like them apples?
  44. He didn’t. Why you always gotta be lyin’ bout him? Huh? Always bad mouthin’ him behind his back, you two-faced, insecure weasel. You weakling. You gutless coward. Why you always gotta be makin’ shit up? Huh? Startin’ smear campaigns? Huh? You jealous of him or something? It’s obvious you’re the one with problems, buddy. Why don’t you go out an’ get your own life. So you won’t always be pre-occupied with other people’s lives
  45. He’s very very sorry and will never do it again. He’s been thinking about it a lot lately and can’t even look you in the eye. In fact he hasn’t been out of bed for days
  46. Well he can’t very well trash his own place now can he?
  47. Yeah how bout that? Wasn’t that something?
  48. Yeah, like you even care about Denby and what he’s going through right now, you self-centered bastard
  49. Gee, I really don’t know and really don’t care. Why don’t you go and figure it out for yourself there genius. Huh? Everybody else always gotta do your thinkin’ for you?
  50. I think he had switched shampoo or toothpaste brands or something, and it just really threw him off there for a moment
  51. Why should Denby explain himself to you or anyone else for that matter?
  52. You give me, eemmm, say fifty bucks and maybe I’ll clue you in a little, dumb shit
  53. Denby’s goin’ hardcore from now on and if you don’t like it that’s your malfunction, peabrain. Why don’t you just accept it and get out of the way
  54. How can any of us explain the unexplainable?
  55. Hey, even the best of us makes mistakes every now and then. If he apologizes, makes amends, and sets things straight, then I’d call it even, now ease up off his back about it
  56. Even the best of us has to trash a room every now and then. It’s one of our rights as Americans. It’s one of our many birthrights. Eventually, as a culture, we go and trash entire countries. What are you, un-American or something?
  57. It was just time, that’s all
  58. The voices. The voices. And you’re just jealous because he can hear them and you can’t
  59. Well, I guess, you know, I mean gee whiz, come on here
  60. Because he looks up to you. He admires you
  61. Why don’t you go and ask him yourself there tough guy
  62. I could go an’ ask you the same thing there, pal. Huh? Why didn’t you trash your own place, huh? Everybody gotta do everything for you? Huh? Denby goes and takes the initiative and this is the thanks he gets?
  63. Sometimes things just don’t turn out the way we want them to you know. Sometimes life is just like that
  64. Denby? Well let me tell you something about ol’ Denby there . . .
  65. It’s just all part of the grand scheme of things, and you don’t question the grand scheme of things
  66. He was redecorating. I guess it’s just a matter of taste, and you just don’t appreciate or understand his vision.” I guess you just don’t have taste. I mean he was just helping out, that’s all. Don’t you appreciate it when a friend tries ta help ya out? Huh? This is how you thank a friend for helping, huh? For trying his very best? This is the way you say thanks? Huh? By going around and accusing him of stuff? Huh? By spreading lies about the guy? What’s wrong with you?
  67. Well, I guess we could argue all day long about what is inherently true” and what is inherently false” in any recollection of any event. It’s more of how accurate or factual your personal perception is. It’s more about what was your perception of the alleged incident, about the veracity of your thought processes . . .
  68. He is, in fact, an agent working in a secret capacity for the intelligence community and was looking for some hidden microfilm. What’re you, un-American or something? Huh commie?
  69. He’s been under a great deal of stress lately, what with the world being in the shape it’s in right now and all
  70. What’s it to ya, bub?
  71. He was goaded into it. It’s all society’s” fault, and so you owe him a beer
  72. He had a great big case of the sillies. He was just being a Goofy Gus”
  73. What are you, some kind of anal retentive perfectionist? Huh ya little sickie. So the place is a little messed up” as you claim, well let me tell you a thing or two, junior, the world is a little untidy from time to time, OK? Ya got that? Every now and then, OK numb nuts? Ya got that, Mr. Perfect? Huh? Let us all know the next time something or someone doesn’t meet your high expectations, OK? Will ya do us all that favor? Huh? I mean, we’d really really appreciate it. OK? Huh? Please? Could ya do that for all of us? Could you help us all out by complaining and pointing out everybody’s faults and flaws, Mr. Perfect? Could ya do that for us? Huh? Could ya help us all out a little more? Huh? Or, how bout this, the next time one of us can’t meet your oh-so-high standards, why don’t you just keep it to yourself and find yourself something better to do with your free time. Huh? Maybe collect stamps or save coins or something. Or better yet, why not do some volunteer work. Huh? That might just do the trick in filling that big, obvious void in your life
  74. He had gotten a really bad hair cut and it just set him off
  75. You know, I don’t even care. I don’t care about what Denby did or where he did it. I’m just so tired of all your complaining. It’s always everybody else’s fault isn’t it?
  76. He didn’t. You just made that entire episode up. Didn’t you, liar. We’re all just supposed to feel oh so sorry for you, aren’t we now? Poor, poor, pitiful you. Haven’t you gotten anything better to do?
  77. He didn’t. He lied about the entire thing. Just to get attention. Just like he lies about everything else
  78. Well, I guess you’ll just have to figure that one out on your own there genius. Got that, Jasper? The real truth is always somewhere in between, now isn’t it, Maynard? The real truth can be complicated, slippery, elusive. But those tiny little bite-sized versions are much easier to swallow
  79. Yeah, that’s the thing about the middle class these days — their money makes them feel either guilty, superior, or inferior, even though historically they’re way way better off than just about anyone else in history. Anyway, it makes em do strange things, makes em feel funny sometimes
  80. Because some people are scared and jealous of you, and Denby just wanted to fit in” with that whole crowd
  81. Why does anybody do anything?
  82. I guess it’s all in how you look at it. A philosophical person might say he was just straightening things. But I guess that’s just the way a philosophical person would see it. I guess you’re not a very philosophical person now are you, huh? I guess it’s all in how you look at it. A matter of perspective I suppose. I guess you just lack perspective
  83. That’s just one of the things that makes him unique and special
  84. The wind. The wind

Tony Rauch

Website: https://trauch.wordpress.com/

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