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An occasional series dealing with the exciting world of contemporary vinyl collecting.
Dear Rhino High Fidelity Series,
Congratulations on your success! Your edition of Black Sabbath’s Self-titled 1970 debut album sold out all five thousand units, leading to an “unnumbered” edition! Great job on another campaign to court the “Megafans”, which is the hot new strategy in the world of IP Content. Did that guy who has eleventy million copies get one? I hope so.
I would like to suggest some additional vinyl variants of this particular album that may be part of future campaigns. My “suggested retail price” will be based on that of similar special variants of classic releases available (new or used) currently. Please click on each price to learn more.
Each copy will be lovingly and carefully sent through simulations of what happened to many copies of this record over the course of the 1970s. Like Acid-Washed jeans, each copy will be unique. Some will be used as ashtrays, some will have been drink coasters. Some will have jagged scratches through your favorite track, some will be so warped that the record needle will “ski jump” off the record every rotation. Suggested Retail Price: $504.99
Back in the day in the neighborhood, where Black Sabbath was in the rotation early and often, we referred to this album as “you know… that one with the witchy-lookin’ lady on the cover”. Why not put out unique one-of -a-kind variants where the orderer chooses who will appear as the “witchy-lookin’ lady”? A friend? A celebrity? A co-worker? A cartoon character? The possibilities are endless. Suggested Retail Price: $37.99
Each copy will be custom mis-filed at a party or event. The only guarantee? The cover will not match the record. Special care will be given to make sure the record contained within is “not even another good rock record.” Suggested Retail Price: $4,999.99
This version will play the music in reverse, saving the buyer the time and effort to figure out how to do so. This will decode any secret messages contained within. This edition should be handled very carefully, of course, based on historical precedent. Suggested Retail Price: $149.99
Since many re-releases tout the thickness of their vinyl… why not really pump it up? Forget “thick as a dinner plate”! This vinyl could be used as a spare tire in an emergency! It only makes sense that the thicker the vinyl, the higher the fidelity, right? Suggested Retail Price: $599.99
This edition will attempt to re-create the experience of trying to listen to the full album on Youtube in 2024. Each track will be interrupted by ads, possibly in the middle of a song. Each track will have a different level of fidelity. One track will be no longer available due to a copyright claim. If you pay a monthly fee, the ads will stop. Suggested Retail Price: $249.98
Again, congratulations on your success! I hope my ideas are helpful as the industry continues to work on ways to court the Megafans. Who would have thought an album that has already sold 4.9 millions copies could be re-sold successfully once again. Vinyl: I hear it’s making a comeback!
Regards,
Tim
